Dating Older

I am having a conversation with my mother in regards to me dating older men. I told her not to pretend like she doesn't know I'm going to end up with and older man. This is what transpired:

smilinglovie: ooooh... I don't know. It kind of makes me sad to think that you may spend a good part of you life as a widow tho
That would make me sad..or that you might be still yong and vibrant and your spouse may not feel the same
But....
that might not happen either
me: eh
i'm fine with it
i'll be like blanche from golden girls when i'm older
smilinglovie: Anyway who knows the future but God you know
You may end up
A COUGAR!!!
oooooooooh
or maybe eweeeeeeooooooooo
yuck
well again....as long as he is not a teenager

Seriously, how awesome would that be...

Petit

It's the little things that make your day. Like finding Diet Rite is now being sold in the vending machines at the office.

Short People - Randy Newman

If only I could just write one hit like Randy Newman's "Short People" I would be the happiest woman alive. If only they had this to sing at karaoke. Offensive, retarded, and perfect.

Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
`Round here

Short people are just the same
As you and I
(A fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's a wonderful world)

Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
'Round here

White Thraaaaaaaaash

I try to avoid serious WT moments in my life until recently when I was in the midst of a WT experience and the light bulb lit up and I was so disgusted with myself I started laughing, hard, alone in my room (yeah, yeah what else is new). The moment can more or less be summarized with me sitting in my bed watching a streamed television show online eating CORN ON THE COB. Ugh, I'm so grossed out with myself admitting this.

Nicoise

In my dream last night I was telling people my name was Nicoise...like the salad. Uhhh...

I love Gary Busey. I also mistaked Nick Nolte for Gary whilst watching New York Stories.

Gone: Getting Over Negative Energy
Faith: Fantastic Adventures In Trusting Him
Sober: Son Of a Bitch Everything's Real
Fraud: Finding Relevant Answers Under Deception
Freedom: Facing Real Exciting Energy Developing Out of Miracles

I could really go for a...body massaaage. Body Massage. Body Massage.

I sat in my room on Friday night listening to growing and searching "Psychadelic Graphics". This was done in a completely sober state of mind. I think having a room to myself for the first time in years is really exciting me because I spend a good 80% of my time at home in my room, on my bed, and I like my roommate so I'm not avoiding. I should put up a drawstring with hooks from the fridge to my bed so that I can never leave. Reminds me of those little buckets they have in the waiting line for the ride Star Tours at Disneyland that have baskets of weird electronics. I also remember being a kid and thinking that was the ride and wondering how lard-o's would fit in the tiny baskets. Turns out I was just an imbecile which is probably part of the reason I got lost on the same day at Disneyland in line for the same ride. Man, I'd probably still cry the way I did that day if I lost my friends in Star Tours. That shit is whack.

I don't think I could stomache the death of a friend...ever, at all. But since I've moved I feel like I've suffered the death of several friendships, metaphorically speaking. Sometimes it feels like an effort just to control thought...making attempts to handle it. It's like watering a plant just to cut it down; investing at the brink of recession. What's the fucking point? And to love fully: deep and immersed only for the river to choke dry at the end of its path; doesn't lead to an ocean, doesn't lead to a beautiful spring, it just ends in dry oblivion nothing to offer but a sack of shit life left behind. It's all just too much.

Dizzy

After a little less than a week in Lake Tahoe I've switched my efforts of making certain I'm happy to continuing on my outdoor running path (meaning making certain I'm happy doesn't always include running in the course of the day therefore my efforts are switchiing to what one might call "healthiness") today was just fantastic...the milkman hollered at me and honked his horn. Pretty amazing, especially considering I don't get hit on, ever.

I've been relatively lazy with tidying the abode and the kitchen's in a complete state of disarray due to me. This is terrible considering I have had an insatiable hankering to cook and bake and a messy cookery never done no one good. Ah hell.

Tomorrow I'm going to work IN the hospital which I am rather excited about. Then work's having an art an wine festival followed by er, ugh a kickball game. Don't know how kickball and wine are going to mix. Nonetheless, I'm excited about it.

Roast

I'm going on a 2 month stint of eating roasted brussel sprouts, carrots, and kale a minimum of 3 times a week, sometimes more. I think I need to liven up my vegetable palate.

Burn! Burn! Burn!

My dresser is the worst investment I've ever made. I have to use my screws, hammer, and nails on a weekly basis to fix the hunk of junk only to end up in the same place I was a week prior: with a dresser that doesn't work. It makes it very difficult to keep my room clean and my belongings in place. I would like to take a match to it's light wood knobs and slowly watch it burn into flames that release joy and pleasure from all of the nights of cursing, anxiety, and time it's cost me. Maybe I'd even brand it "I am a waste of good materials". It'd be like the ending scene in "Wicker Man" but there'd be no human in the wood; so really, it wouldn't be anything like "Wicker Man".

This is symbolic of me with the dresser:



I really need to invest in a dresser that works.

Dirty hair and fingernails

I'm really confused by this new "fashion" I've been seeing a lot of lately, specifically on women, of not wearing makeup and looking like one has not bathed for 8 days. It's really unattractive and makes the world not want to touch nor be near the entire group of people engaging in this wretched subculture. What's wrong with bathing and not wearing unflattering vergeonhooker clothing? It is very dirty.

Joy!

As time passes and these life changes occur, I'm sitting back, relaxing and understanding things about myself, life, and the unbelievable amount of beauty in human kind.

It's been something that I've been struggling, so to say, with for a little while. And then something happened and I'm finding myself wrapped in this moment of life feeling completely joyous about the capacity and allowance of human beings to experience such an insane depth of beauty in all that is around us. In life, in the universe, in all that is. And to experience this beauty in such a free form, it's so magnificent!

Starting to understand what life is...ok, that statement is way too bold make. But I'm starting to understand why we pursue these crazy aspirations, why we make the decisions we do. And this thought, feeling, whatever the hell you want to call it, is probably something I'm going to be chiving the rest of my life.

Unrelenting, unfaltering, unwaivering. Totally consumed with being.

Sup White Girl

We had a fire drill in the office today. That was pretty awesome, felt like I was in 5th grade again. I'm completely perplexed that they don't actually evacuate the building, they just make us walk down the stairwell (no elevator, sorry prego women, fatso's, and lazy POS') 4 flights and go in the hallway. WTF? What the hell is that going to do if there's a bomb in this place? Well, I'll tell you, it'll do NOTHING. Total bullshit. I won't die, I'll fuckin' bum rush the exit to the outdoors of this place like there's no tomorrow; I'm not burning to death.

Play on Words

I'm just full of 'em.

Last night Ryan and I were enjoying some Tibetan Cuisine and there it came out:

Ryan: Want to make a bet.

Me: No, I don't like to bet...TIBET!

Oh God, I'm pathetic.

Vital Ital Calabash

Aside from the fact that they have good food, the Rasta men that work at that place are babes...baaaaaabes, like drooling status. And they cook, oh man, eye candy.

The little flap of skin behind your...

...don't be a perv! I was going to say behind your two front teeth! Geez!

Well, speaking of that "little flap of skin" I think I rubbed it raw today. My mouth filled up with blood like it was fucking Jason Goes to Hell on my tongue. Seriously, a horror movie in my mouth, slice and dice!

The Wurzels

Search engine's are so fun!

When I put in my last name (Wurzell) in youtube, this pops up:



AWESOME! Just one "L" off! If only we were related...

Look at this awesome picture of their awesome album:

Biking w/ faces I Dislike.

When I leave my apartment at a certain time (usually after 9am) in the mornings, I typically run into this other cyclist...whom I CANNOT STAND.

I have no reason to dislike him based on personal accounts. But I will tell you why I do dislike dueto my psychotic nature.

He rides this retarded mountain bike...we're in Oakland, not fuckin Big Bear Mountain. He also sports a stupid helmet, his helmet looks even more stupid on him because it's red and his bike is also red; I have an uncanny feeling this was on purpose...I may be making this up (maybe not), just to get more irked, but I think he also wears a dumb red windbreaker jacket.

His face looks like a tattletale's face.

The thing about his demeanor that DRIVES ME NUTS is he also passes me on his bike, like we're fucking racing to work. I mean REALLY?? I'm just taking a leisurely bike ride everyday to work, I'm not trying to win the Tour De France.

I dread coming out of my apartment because I'm scared I'll run into him.

I want to sock him in the balls.

Tomorrow, April 14th:

It's finally released!!!



It is absolutely ravishing.

Every album keeps getting better and better. I'm astonished with the man's abilities.

Warhol...Bad Surf Documentaries...Hitchcock

What a weekend. Saturday night went to a silent Alfred Hitchcock film. And Sunday ventured to the Warhol Exhibit. I've come to the conclusion Andy Warhol is a more artistic, and smart version of Perez Hilton. Yeah, I may swallow that statement one day but seriously, what a little shit that dude is.

Then, an unfortunate thing happened last night, I suggested going to a surf documentary about the 2007 season at Maverick. HORRIBLE documentary. I should've figured, the title was "Ride On" (imagine them saying that in a Sublime-fanesque voice...yes, it really was THAT bad). I didn't know a movie could be so terrible and I'm even more annoyed that it was $9 to watch a bunch of bro's drink beer, and talk about their "gnarly wipeouts" wearing netted trucker hats (so passe). I left a certain area for a reason...people like this being a big part of that reason.

Anyway, mellow, comfortable, and warm! Minus last nights unsuccessful trek to see a "different" movie than the norm was not so smart. Next time I'll stick with Will Ferrell's newest flick.

UPDATE: Search for the best Hot Chocolate in East Bay has expanded. I had an incredible hot chocolate yesterday at Coco-luxe Confections, I think they substituted a sprinkle of nutmeg on top with ginger. Totally delectable! The chocolate was just OK but the Hot Chocolate was like finger-licking Curly Sue style after she eats pizza...unless my memory's failed me, I think it was pizza.

Urkel

My Yelp picture and last years Halloween costume:



I braved it and went to the oyster bar...people thought I was the nastiest shit that ever landed.

Diapers

OK, I know I have an obsession with adults wearing diapers...because it's hilarious but I didn't think anyone was ever going to make clothes that REPLICATE THAT!!!

I went into Max Studio (my livelihood of 4 years) last night because I haven't been in the store in nearly a year and picked up a lookbook. To my dismay, Mr. Leon Max has decided to make these hideous looking "relaxed" pants that seriously looks like the mannequins wearing an adult sized diaper and dropped a load in her pants:



I am soo disgusted. What a terrible, terrible idea.

Rock-A-Doodle

On Deal or No Deal right now:



Close resemblance to Rock-A-Doodle

Shakin' Jesse

The shake was fantastic. Wow.

Daily Candy

I just received my Daily Candy e-mail and I am in complete awe right now. French 75's are my favorite drink in the entire world. Lavender is my favorite seasoning for food/drink (well, currently); Daily Candy completely blew my mind just now with a new restaurant that is opening and has this cocktail:

Boisson: cocktails include the Lavender French 75 and the Dark & Foggy.

OH MY GOSH! If I have found a replacement for my favorite drink in the world (The Violet Hour: Citadelle Gin, Parfait Amour, vermouth, with a candied lavender on the bottom) I may keel over and convulse on the floor upon sucking this baby back!

I am going to get a Neuromuscular Massage tomorrow...I am interested to see how this goes. I'm kind of disturbed that I'm lying in bed, NOT getting ready for work right now (wearing a white tank and white skivvies, who do I think I am a larger version of Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut?) and paying bills. I guess it's definitely a Friday. BUT for lunch (I'm already excited about it, as you can tell) I am going to try the Guinness Shake that I've always felt too guilty to eat, but it's the week of St. Patrick's Day so why not! This things is mind boggling: Guinness Stout, Chocolate Ice Cream, and Espresso Milkshake. BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH BUH. I KNOW, MY REACTION WAS TOTALLY THIS WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT TOO:

I took this picture with my computer on the ride out to Sacramento, look how beautiful it is:

That white layer is mist, I was lucky enough to wake up in darkness and watch the sun rise, it was really amazing because the only times I do that it's usually after not sleeping the entire night and I am inchoate.

Well, today I am completely and totally thankful for my job and that they are flexible with scheduling (seriously, I've never worked at a place that is so forgiving about inconsistency with the times people come in)! 

OH FRIDAY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Don't Tickle my Pickle

I was getting a manicure/pedicure a few days ago and while the lady was pumicing the bottom of my foot, my foot twitched because it tickled/is really sensitive. So the woman starts massaging my feet/calf and I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and relaxed then she switches to the other foot. After about 5-10 minutes, she starts putting her index fingers on the bottom of my feet and begins a weird technique (or so I thought), then 10 seconds in I open my eyes which she has been WAITING for me to do and starts CRACKING UP because she was trying to "tickle" me. So weird...

Oh man, writing up my meeting notes to Thin Lizzy, The Boys Are Back In Town. What'd I'd give for a 3pm BUD LIGHT in a special aluminim bottle and a huge deck with a pool and some VITA-O-MIN DEEE. My muscle's are bulging out of my shirt, I think my sleeves are going to burst open any minute.

Choo Choo Ka

I get to take the train to a meeting tomorrow. Not like BART but a train with FOOD and TABLES. Yessss, it's one thing to take the train to San Jose as leisure...to meet up with somone; it's another thing to take the train to a business outing. This means i can SLEEP during my (one day a month) long commute! Oh Yes! Oh Yes! Oh YES!

BRAVO WHISKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My co-worker sent this to me today, this is so awesome! Seriously, this may be one of the best finds on the net:

When you think you're funny...

...pictures like this are taken when the sun's about to rise:

OH MY GOSH IT'S SOOOOO FUNNY TO STICK CIGARETTE BUTTS UP YOUR NOSE IN FRONT OF A CAMERA! not.

Statistically Speaking

It looks as though the pinnacle of my procrastination falls between the hours of 10am-12pm. I guess the verdict is...I'm not a mid morning person. That's bowel movement hour. GOSH.

Bedrest

A list of what I have watch in the last 48 hrs while not seeing the light of day:

No Country for Old Men
In the Realms of the Unreal
Endless epsidodes of The Office - Season 2
Children of Paradise
Humboldt County
An episode of Wives Swap

I think that's all, that's a lot of movies/television. I feel disgusted with myself for indulging so much, granted I was sick. The most productive thing I did was probably drink TheraFlu and cough up phlegm that was green and yellow.

I'm ready for bed again.

Fronnie

me: i know! he is no zac efron who is TOTALLY GAYwho does he think he is fooling?
wildesert: i know seriously the chick he is "with" does porn

To the tune of Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon

Oh my shit is on fire
Consumed with what's just perspired

Hot as a fever
Rattling butt
I could just feel it, feel it

Play on Words

I just told Lindsay i have gASS

The Loo

I just went to the restroom and I think someone was upset that I took the big stall. I'm sure they had business to take care of too but you know, there's seldom handicapped people that work in an office so they only make one stall, no reason to get your panties in a twist.

Now and Then

My friend was visiting this weekend and we watched "Now and Then". She brought up a good point of utter humiliation: the adult version of Christina Ricci is Rosie O'Donnell! That SUCKS! I'm surprised Christina Ricci doesn't have more issues, really! Look at the total resemblance:


vs.

Play on Words

Finally, I blurted one out which spawned an old one:

"Love the 'pagne" (if you don't know, don't ask)

SOLIDUDE (my one (wo)man band)

That's all for now. More to come, I'm sure.

MY RAIDER CREATOR

I'm so pretty!!!

WHAT IS DAT JANKY ASS SMELL IN MY ROOOOM

DIS SHIT IS WHACK

No NO FUH REAL WHAT IS DAT SMELL

Time for some meat.

I like sake, I like sushi, I like to rub it on my tushy

A movie titled "30 Route" was playing at the SF Indie Festival last night, so I went and checked it out. To my complete and utter excitement who appeared on screen but motherfuckin' Mike Damon, I almost had to change my own diaper. Poor guy, I mean, in my opinion, EVERYONE'S career from Fast Times should have taken off, even the extras in the mall scenes. But poor Mikey's going from Damon to Boston Common. What a shame. I love that movie even if Sean Penn's in it (Sam I am or whatever, the movie he plays a tardie in).

On a side note, Roller Derby tonight. Goal: russian splits in the air whilst skating. And for the grand finale, a Scott Hamilton flip on skates.

WHY have I DONE THIS?

Not quite sure my reasoning for doing this other than I live a sedentary life 8 hours of the day and I think I'm suffering a brain deficiency...I know, could I have become more stupid?! YES!!! Now I can write about all of my great "play on words". I don't have any at the moment but I'm sure as soon as I see Ryan I'll be blurting them out left and right and documenting in you my dear blog.