Well, well, well

Time to get "real". I'm revisiting the last year of my life and how affected I've been by what I'd have to say is the greatest heartbreak I've experienced. It's amazing how a little over 2 months can completely divert the course of an entire year. I've questioned myself, I've questioned others and I've really had to take time to myself to figure out how to move on. Mind over matter has been the most difficult lesson to learn this year. Above anything though, I've learned the power of relying on people, the power of the self to learn how to make it through difficult times and the power of one's own heart.
Funny how a year ago, I thought I'd met someone I could "really be with" and was in a trance, a complete & joyous trance. I remember breaking out into tears at one point thinking how scared I was to lose that feeling but how happy I was to have it. And then when/if you do lose it, you're forever changed. You realize how much is at stake after that happens. I feel so shut off from opening up again. I'm so terrified knowing that I gave my heart to the wrong person and wishing I could go back and do that piece over...he didn't deserve this much of me and he still doesn't. I could go on about that forever though, what really matters is now and how I am going to move forward. It's easy to be preoccupied with "stuff" but I think what I need is to be preoccupied with "stuff" that matters to me and things that make me feel like I'm doing better in the world. Volunteering again, taking trips and cooking, loving without reserve to everyone I encounter, trying to rebuild the confidence I lost over the last year.
What'a whirlwind of a year...loving, hating, growing pains, learning, I can only hope that in my 27th year I get to experience the fruit of these life lessons learned and can actually apply them to my life rather than just experience them.